Modeling Good Online Behavior for Our Kids

Last Summer, my daughter and I were leaving a mall in Bellevue late in the evening. We had a bag of books, a bag of groceries, and a bag of take-out Thai food, and car keys in hand. On the sidewalk surrounding the mall, we passed a person who asked for money, and I said, "No, best of luck to you", waited for traffic to pass, and then crossed to where our car was parked -close by & clearly visible.

My daughter said, "It's good you parked here, because this place is super spooky." We had a brief discussion about why I parked where I did, the bagger at the grocery asking if we'd like an escort to our car, etc. I modeled three safety behaviors and (what I consider) courtesy, without lecturing or freaking out my kid with statistics on women getting mugged near malls.

How do you do that with online behavior?

Incorporating modeling and transparency around a family's online behavior is, in my opinion, very important. We really want to know what they're doing online, and with whom, and yet - do they have any idea what we're doing? Do they see what 'friend requests' we 'ignored,' the fit of anger we let pass prior to answering an upsetting email, or websites we avoid because they seemed sketchy?

Right now I'm sitting at my computer, a fantastic HP Pavilion that I love very much even though it's old. My computer is on the dining table, across from my kids' computers. This is the only place my computer lives when I'm at home, and while I'm working, typing, and reading, I talk:

• Check-out this cool website, guys, let's see who made it.


• Holy Cow, this person is so rude on Facebook! I'm not going to reply to her comment, because I don't want to encourage her. I hope she's ok, because she's not usually rude.


• Hey, please save your stuff and shut down, I need to run updates; I think we have some kind of network issue. Here, you can help me run updates.


• Whoa, I have no idea who this text message is from, and it has an attachment; I'm going to delete it without opening it up. Did you know that your phone can get infected the same way the computer can? Crazy.


• Ugh! This page is full of advertisements - I thought it was going to be a news article, but clearly that's not their priority. Hey - look what happens when I hover over a link: I can see the preview of the URL it's going to, and it is NOT what it said it would be: this link for "Afghan war" goes to a page with a URL that ends in 'teeth whitening.' That can't be good.


• Hey, this website wants to know how much money I make! Why would they need that just so I can check if they have a ___ in stock? I'm looking for the link for their privacy policy, I want to know what they do with my information...

As a parent modeling computer behavior, I am not ideal. I'm online too much, I work too much, and I spend more time on my social network than I do with my friends or extended family. To make up for this deficiency, I admit to it and talk about how work, non-profit work, and my own interests contribute to my over-use of computers. I make sure the kids keep their time online to a reasonable amount, and I make sure they prioritize friends, family, beach trips, and soccer over the fascinations of Fantage, pixeling, and CSS.

Shop Safely this Season

I love shopping online. Go to my favorite stores, search out what I need, and have it mailed to my home. Even better when you're shopping for someone else - they'll gift wrap and mail it for you! No post office trip needed!
What's not so great are the inevitable scams and phishing attempts that happen online. These are something you can count on, like rain in Seattle, and they're something you can handle easily by remembering a few easy pointers.

Key points for online shopping:

• Read the URL - if it doesn't start with "https://", you shouldn't enter any financial or personal information.


• Your financial organizations will never ask you to 'click a link' and log in to deal with any issue. If you receive such an email, open a new browser window, go to your financial institutions website, and check for issues. Contact your bank if you have any concerns at all.


• Read the privacy policy for the websites you use. By using the website, you may be signing up for more than you expect: marketing emails, usage tracking, and storage of your financial information for later use.


• Your Attorney General is your resource for scams and fraud. Visit your Attorney General's website or call them, if you have any questions or concerns.


• Kick off your online shopping season by making sure your computers are protected. Follow the guidelines recommended by your operating system manufacturor (for most of you, that's Windows), and by your anti-virus/computer security.

Reminders for offline shopping

• Look into fraud protection for your credit/bank cards.


• Keep your shopping bags in the trunk where criminals won't see and be tempted.


• Review your purchase history online and verify that charges are appropriate. Follow-up immediately with your financial institution if anything looks amiss.


• Park close to the mall, in well-lit area, and don't be shy about asking for an escort to your car after dark.


• Roads may be bad - take appropriate precautions, and make sure you dress for the weather: Layers! You can leave them in the car, but you'll want them if you get stuck some where.

Cyberbullying-excerpt from December Update

Cyberbullying - The #1 Online threat to your Kids
What is cyberbullying? It's the same as regular bullying, except it happens via text message, social networks, and email. And it follows your child away from the playground, into the house, into their bedroom - and can follow them all the way to adulthood.

Likely because so many children feel a disconnect between what happens on and off-line, cyberbullying can be more vicious and it can spread much faster. In the news, we've seen some very extreme examples of what cyberbullying can lead to. At CommunityWatch we've talked to a lot of worried parents who want to know what to do about it.

Prevent and deal with cyberbullying:

• Most important! - Don't let your kids use digital communication in their bedrooms. Cell phones, lap tops, netbooks - anything that can text, instant message, or email needs to stay in a public part of the house like the kitchen or dining room, where your kid has some oversight. Do not let your kids keep their cell phone in their bedroom at night.


• Talk to them about their computer/phone use, and ask questions about who they're communicating with, what social networks they use, and -even if they're teenagers- know their user-names and passwords.


• Talk about reputation - kids who bully will have a damaged reputation when word gets out, and kids who post personal information online run the risk of having that information come back and embarass them. If they wouldn't say it in front of the entire school, then they shouldn't say it online, even in a 'private' email or text message.


• Sexting - ugh. You have a 9 year old? You may still need to deal with this. Kids of all ages are getting pressured into taking inappropriate pictures of themselves and sending them to 'friends.' Talk to your kids about reputation, stress appropriate boundaries, and ask your kids if a friend would really ask them to do something so damaging. Remember, too, that teenagers are going to jail and getting registered as sex-offenders for having these images on their phone/computer.


• If you suspect any cyberbullying is going on, follow-up immediately, and don't let it go until you have resolution. Be tenacious, calm, and let your kid know you are on their side, period (even if they are the ones bullying - you'll help them find the right path).

For more information on cyberbullying, you can visit NetSmartz and GetGameSmart.