Modeling Good Online Behavior for Our Kids

Last Summer, my daughter and I were leaving a mall in Bellevue late in the evening. We had a bag of books, a bag of groceries, and a bag of take-out Thai food, and car keys in hand. On the sidewalk surrounding the mall, we passed a person who asked for money, and I said, "No, best of luck to you", waited for traffic to pass, and then crossed to where our car was parked -close by & clearly visible.

My daughter said, "It's good you parked here, because this place is super spooky." We had a brief discussion about why I parked where I did, the bagger at the grocery asking if we'd like an escort to our car, etc. I modeled three safety behaviors and (what I consider) courtesy, without lecturing or freaking out my kid with statistics on women getting mugged near malls.

How do you do that with online behavior?

Incorporating modeling and transparency around a family's online behavior is, in my opinion, very important. We really want to know what they're doing online, and with whom, and yet - do they have any idea what we're doing? Do they see what 'friend requests' we 'ignored,' the fit of anger we let pass prior to answering an upsetting email, or websites we avoid because they seemed sketchy?

Right now I'm sitting at my computer, a fantastic HP Pavilion that I love very much even though it's old. My computer is on the dining table, across from my kids' computers. This is the only place my computer lives when I'm at home, and while I'm working, typing, and reading, I talk:

• Check-out this cool website, guys, let's see who made it.


• Holy Cow, this person is so rude on Facebook! I'm not going to reply to her comment, because I don't want to encourage her. I hope she's ok, because she's not usually rude.


• Hey, please save your stuff and shut down, I need to run updates; I think we have some kind of network issue. Here, you can help me run updates.


• Whoa, I have no idea who this text message is from, and it has an attachment; I'm going to delete it without opening it up. Did you know that your phone can get infected the same way the computer can? Crazy.


• Ugh! This page is full of advertisements - I thought it was going to be a news article, but clearly that's not their priority. Hey - look what happens when I hover over a link: I can see the preview of the URL it's going to, and it is NOT what it said it would be: this link for "Afghan war" goes to a page with a URL that ends in 'teeth whitening.' That can't be good.


• Hey, this website wants to know how much money I make! Why would they need that just so I can check if they have a ___ in stock? I'm looking for the link for their privacy policy, I want to know what they do with my information...

As a parent modeling computer behavior, I am not ideal. I'm online too much, I work too much, and I spend more time on my social network than I do with my friends or extended family. To make up for this deficiency, I admit to it and talk about how work, non-profit work, and my own interests contribute to my over-use of computers. I make sure the kids keep their time online to a reasonable amount, and I make sure they prioritize friends, family, beach trips, and soccer over the fascinations of Fantage, pixeling, and CSS.